Anuvah Batman!

I woke up today happy. I had corned beef omelette, piniritong isda and atcharang ampalaya for brunch. I was tightly hugged goodbye and I went to Starbucks and spent hours studying for my preliminary exams. When hunger struck at 9pm, I went home for dinner. Rebecca’s sinigang na baboy made me even happier that I was looking forward to such a heavenly slumber.

Then I went online. Big mistake.

I found my recent ex, who just turned older last weekend, online at Facebook. The happy me thought that despite the drift, it would be polite to greet him anyway even if it’s a few days late.

G: “Belated happy birthday.” ENTER key. “I wish you good health and better grades.” ENTER key.

This came out of the screen: “Mark Anthony Arciga is now offline.”

LESSON LEARNED:
Common courtesy is not inherent. Kaya ‘wag nang i-greet and dapat hindi i-greet. Wag nang mag wish ng good health and better grades dahil iba na ang panahon ngayon. Iba na din ang gusto ng mga tao. As Gelo eloquently put it, ipagluksa na lang natin si Michael Jackson dahil hinding-hindi na siya magbi-birthday kahit kailan.

AMEN!

Guilty

I was tagged by one of my favorite people, Sachiko, in her Facebook note and it led me to click on buttons in a personality test at Quizbox. I was not really interested in checking out the result of the test as I know they were randomly programmed.

But this…this one hit me. It made me blog.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

There’s nothing to say…except…GUILTY!

Instead of "WHY"

Some of my closest friends often tell me I lead a very colorful and interesting life that if I decide to detail it and reduce it in writing, my life would be shelved like a whole volume of encyclopedia.

I have a dysfunctional family which I’d never trade for another, don’t get me wrong. My relationships are beyond ordinary. They possess distinct characteristics that they ought to be named.  My choices are bold and my regrets for all of them are quite minimal. I get admired by others for being a survivor. But as Elizabeth said, “What else is there to do but survive and move along, right? We shouldn’t be given credit for it.”

Sometimes, others envy my courage, my tactlessness, my recklessness and my verve because they are too cautious to breathe life the way they please. Sometimes, my being unconventional is resented because people feel danger when they step out of societal norm. So they just watch me make my move and dance outside the circle while they wait for me to fall down face first.

But there are times when I wish I had a normal boring life. Sometimes I wish that, instead of the rebel-without-a-cause teenager,  I was the highschool geek or the outsider. That lonely girl who sat at the back of the room and ate her hair in the afternoon. Sometimes I wish I was in the Dean’s list back in college and finished my degree on time. I could have been a lawyer now. Too many things I wish…more of them I just keep inside. But if I comb all experiences I went through, life-altering or mere painful, this is what I learned: Instead of asking “why?”, try “You shouldn’t have.”

Instead of asking “Why did you cheat on me?”, say “You shouldn’t have cheated on me.” Instead of asking “Why did you hurt me?”, say “You shouldn’t have hurt me.” Instead of asking “Why did you leave me?”, say “You should have stayed.” Instead of asking “Why didn’t you run after me?”, say “You shouldn’t have given me reasons to run.” Instead of asking “Why didn’t you fight for me?”, say “You should have fought for me.” PERIOD.

Asking questions when you’re not ready to hear the truth gives them reasons to formulate lies you will one day resent them for. So stop asking WHY. I learned that in a most excruciatingly painful way.

I don’t think I am making sense. It’s past 10 pm and I’ve been drinking rhum since 5 pm.

Next 25 Random Things

1. It took me 10 years to finish college. Not because I am academically challenged. I just had an extremely wild and remarkable social life and I didn’t want to go to law school. Futile attempt as I am now in law school.

2. Being a Philippine diplomat will never lose its appeal. I could still see myself raising a placard at the UN General Assembly and saying, “The Republic of the Philippines is present and voting.”

3. I was a curious kid sent in an all-girls school run by nuns. Curious and mischievous, I pulled a nun’s headdress when I was 8 years old just to see if she was bald. She wasn’t. Her name is Sister Dalde from the Daughters of Charity congregation. She’s still alive and still in CIC.

4. I love dogs. I was never bitten by a dog. But once upon a time, a dog’s right ear was bitten by me. I thought he was going to attack me and I used to have a good reflex. Poor dog. He bled.

5. I still think Kuya Jon, my favorite brother, is alive somewhere and still cannot give up on my wishful thinking that one day he’ll come home. He passed away in 1996. He was 24.

6. When I was a kid, I went through a phase that made me believe we’re all in a huge TV set and giants are watching our every move  (like the Big Brother) that I spent months taking a bath with my undergarments on.

7. I eat bananas with Knorr seasoning, green mangoes with vanilla ice cream, adobo with catsup.

8. I was 18 years old when I set foot in a zoo. I was so amazed seeing a real live elephant, a lion, a tiger and an orangutan for the first time.

9. One day, I shall adopt an orphan. Before the Brangelina adoption spree, I have always felt that this is my small contribution to the world at large.

10. I am patriotic. PERIOD. I detest labor emigration.

11. My ever reliable pick-up line was drawn from the movie Pretty Woman.
“So what’s your name again?” Whatever the reply, my comeback would always be “Oh my god! That’s my favorite name in the whole wide world!”
Never fails to make a guy blush. Worked on Julio, Carlitos, Thomas, Christian, Jaime, Mark Anthony, etc. I could be a very convincing liar.

12. I have seen The Godfather Trilogy over 30 times I could quote an entire scene.

13. “Conventionality is the refuge of a stagnant mind.” I’m a firm believer.

14. I want to be a part of the United Nations System. I believe in the UN. I believe in its advocacy. Compromise. Peace. Equality.

15. I want to travel the world NOT just for the sights, scenery, shops and culture but mainly for the food and the local booze.

16. I maintain that law school is not a petri dish for future liars. Lawyers are not liars. They just have their own version of the truth.

17. College gave me an opportunity to redefine myself that for 10 years I perfected three failed heterosexual relationships and a short-lived marriage. I was a closet straight girl.

18. I am addicted to pain. I don’t mind getting hurt…even physically.
When I joined my sorority in 1999, I got high after the physical torment that made me black & blue. In high school I made a hobby of cutting my arm and licking the blood. Morbid, I know. I was in an abusive relationship for over a year in 2000. The guy broke my wrist, cracked my orbital floor, pushed me down the stairs and injured me in every possible way. I only broke up with him after he fucked my friend while I was sleeping in the same room.

19. CEBUANA ako. Hindi Bisaya. Magkaiba un.

20. My thesis partner extraordinaire, Robert, and I wrote “Wives of Dictators as Diplomats” cramming like maniacs. Unbelievably, we aced it.

21. My friends find this odd: I am in love with Zanjoe Marudo. Insanely into him. “Kapag ako yumaman, bibilhin ko siya. Ikukulong ko siya sa isang condo at panonoorin ko lang siya buong araw.”

22. When I was little, I hated cartoons. I still don’t watch cartoons. They’re basically drawings that I don’t understand why they have to move. Drawings are non-living things. They’re not suppose to move. Consequently, I also hate mascots.

23. I get scared at the sound of helicopters. At the back of my head, I feel there’s going to be a terrorist attack, a revolution or, worst, war.

24. I secretly feel that my parents’ investment for my studies is a waste. I just want to be waitress or a bartender who travels from city to city. I want to live in one city, live on waitressing or bartending tips, save for a ticket, move to another city and do the same thing. Then, retire in Amsterdam or New York City.

25. Rockstars are a rare breed. They make me swoon to oblivion.

Two Law School Fantasies

And I am in a brink of putting them in actuality.

SCENE 1: Major Exam. After reading the questionaire, your mind goes blank. Like the grueling hours of studying meant nothing. An absolute waste.

WHAT TO DO: Hand in the questionaire back to the professor with the empty exam booklet and say, “Sir, I am not in the mood to answer your stupid exam!” Walk out of the room, magtambling, magsplit, at kumaripas ng takbo papuntang Office of the Registrar’s at mag fill up ng dropping form.

[source: Emjay Gambon]

SCENE 2: Oral Recitation. Professor gunning questions like he’s eating popcorn. Your mind goes blank. You feel like you’re an idiot Kindergarten student.

WHAT TO DO: Do not panic. Play dead.

[source: Mark Silangcruz]

25 Random things you may NOT know about me.

Smitten…oh so smitten.

Before 4pm, I fixed myself a drink. A strong one. BRANDY.

No, I am not depressed nor in a melancholic state. It’s the complete opposite. Here’s this person I really really like. Extreme LIKE I even surprised myself. I just can’t wipe the grin off my face so I thought of getting a drink just to calm my pulse.

It started as a childish game one night when former Catholic school girls hung out, got drunk and behaved foolishly wild and carefree. (Sorry guys, no pictures.) After a few days, phone calls became frequent. I got butterscotch candies, chicken nuggets, morning messages, surprising hugs from behind and butterfly kisses. SWEET. Really sweet, I’m smitten.
Lia is her name and her ex is a freakin’ sociopath.

I need another drink.

F*ckin’ Plastic Thing Found in Shoelaces

AGLETS. AGLETS ANG TAWAG DUN!!!

He was scheduled to leave Cebu on August 31 as he was bound to see his ex in Geneva this week. He changed his mind after he spoke to his mom.
I left for Masbate to see my dad, who has now become a farmer, and to endure my 7-day rehab (no TV, no radio, no alcohol…just the pond). Before I left he sent me and SMS:
“My Sassy Girl will be away when I leave this Sunday. But I could wait for her return and take her to Bohol if she answers this question: what do you call the plastic shit found in shoelaces? Answer before 12midnight.”

NAUBOS ANG LOAD KO KAKATEXT SA MGA TAO!!! Turned out, lahat kami bobo.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to just stop breathing.

At 12 midnight, he sent me another text message: “Hey Sassy Girl, it’s ‘aglets’…the plastic thingies…they’re called ‘aglets’…and no, I’m not leaving on Sunday. Let’s see the tarsiers!”

I cried. I really did. The tears were for the hours of wanting to cry so hard because I felt I was the most stupid person on earth that I don’t know what the f*ckin’ plastic thing is called even if it meant keeping him for another week!!!

From Crazy to Sassy to Missing Law School

How did I manage that in less than 48 hours? 

I was out at an acoustic bar last night with a couple of friends and Magnus’ rockstar complex unleashed its divine self and upstaged the band. And so he sang a set of songs, played the guitar and made the audience swoon to kingdom come, he looked so heavenly. Out of nowhere he began calling for The Crazy Girl on stage. “Hey Crazy Girl, I’d get you a bucket (of Red Horse) if you sing that song you sing.” It didn’t occur to me that I was The Crazy Girl he was trying to embarrass and so I kept chitchatting with my friends and his cousins. Then I felt a tug from behind and the sweaty bar owner told me to get my ass on stage for my five-minute fame. And so the alcoholic me sang my own rendition of Dido’s White Flag like a pro. Uh-huh! You heard that right! Like a pro, for a bucket of Red Horse! Thank you for all those years at JP’s karaoke bar I was able to sharpen my singing prowess. *Whew* Now, I’m a rockstar too! Hahaha!!!

Later on, a 50-something-year-old American began singing “Pumapatak na naman ang ulan sa bubong ng bahay…” It was so amusing that he memorized the entire song and everyone in the bar attentively listened to every song he sang after that. Then he did a little trivia game. He’d play a song for people to guess what movie the song was played and he’d hand out a bottle of Red Horse for free. And like a regular movie freak and alcoholic, I paid my undivided attention and won a whole bucket of beer for guessing Sound of Music, The Godfather, City of Angels, Pretty Woman, Michael and Legends of the Fall. Obviously, drinking them was the whole point of the contest which paved an easy way for intoxication mode for everyone in our table. I was told that I drink like a camel, talk a hundred words per minute surprisingly with more sense, smoke like a chimney, dance with choreography and can still get out of a parallel parking space when the driver can’t. Hence, I stopped being The Crazy Girl. The Sassy Girl was brought to life as of last night.

As soon as I awoke this morning, I met up with the same group of friends at the beach for a tail gate party. While bathing under the Mactan sun with a borrowed iPod, I saw a girl from the other cottage reading Reyes’ Book II of the Revised Penal Code. I felt a pang in my chest and my disposition changed. Midterms week ended today for my classmates and I remember spending my week bombarding them with messages like, “Hoy! Mag-aral kayo. Midterms na! Good luck!” and “Property exam ‘nyo mamaya no? Wag na kayong mag-aral dahil ako lang at si Pamaran ang papasa jan! HAHAHAHA!!!”

I miss my books. I left them in my condo since I had a lot of stuff to bring and if I bring the box that contained them, my mom will hit me so bad for the excess baggage she needed to pay for. I miss reading everyday. I miss the AUSL Library, the Student Council Office, the hallways, the bridge and smoking after 10 pages. I miss the anxiety attacks before class, the blue toes and the sweaty palms during recitation. I even miss sounding like a moron during recitation and laughing about it after class. I miss the high of getting good grades and the tantrums I throw during information overload. I miss stretching one day to 25 hours and a week to 8 days just to study like a maniac. I miss overstaying at Starbucks, getting drunk at the end of the weeklong ordeal and the detox moments with Niyaku at Bubba Gump. I miss the life of a law student wherein being ‘ngarag’ is fabulous, insomnia is a trend and coffee is food supplement. I miss having food delivered in school due to lack of time to dine out. I even miss the school canteen even if they serve everything that tastes like airline food. Mostly, I miss everyone in Arellano. Even those I don’t really like, I miss them too.

The bottom line: Underneath the glory of the Mactan sun, reggae music, great food and even greater company, I pine for my old life. I pine for the boring version of me. I pine for yesterday. Suddenly, I decided to leave, abandon my friends and the beach, go home and sulk because the girl from the other cottage was too preoccupied with her book that, for a split second, I was willing to trade places with her. It was just not possible.

German Measles at 27

Last Saturday, Bella and I watched a flag football championship game somewhere in Lahug. It was an extremely hot afternoon and at around 6pm, I started feeling sick. So I rested at Bella’s house before going home at around 10pm. Yesterday, I was in bed all day. The fever kept recurring and I started having red spots all over my body. My face turned red and my arms and legs began to itch. My mom took me to the doctor this morning and it turned out, I got German measles. WOW! Isn’t it too late in life to be having measles of this sort?

Perks of being sick:

My mom stopped being mad at me. I must’ve really looked so helpless and pathetic that she actually stopped being mad at me.

Magnus came by yesterday to drop off canned chicken soup and Biogesic. We were supposed to go to the beach yesterday with friends but the goddamn measles ruined the plan. I stayed home. In bed still. They went anyway.

Bella happily obliged to be my ka-telebabad buddy. Sometimes we don’t talk at all. She just makes me listen to her angry girl music half of the time. She’s crazier than I am.

Gatorade. I just love drinking Gatorade.

The Penny Lane’s "What’s the most desperate thing you did for love?" and Mine

The Penny Lane’s “What’s the most desperate thing you did for love?” entry made me roll out laughing while having my morning coffee. It’s amusing, sad and touching at the same time. Also, this made me spend hours hauling past events that would qualify as a desperate move that I have done for the freakin’ L word: LOVE. I came up with just one. And it screamed DESPERATE.

The alcoholic me actually debased my alcoholic-self and bargained to go to rehab in exchange for a happily-ever-after ending. YES! I did condescend to that point and, consequently, it was pointless.

Imagine me, totally giving up booze!  Desperate or insane? But not funny. Not funny at all. Not just yet.

First Nights

Our plane landed on Mactan International Airport last Monday at around 8 o’clock in the evening. While collecting my luggage, I felt a twinge of hollowness in my chest seeing that most of my life in Manila for the past twelve years were packed in 6 large boxes and 4 luggage amounting to almost Php6,000.00 worth of excess baggage. So this is it. New beginning. New people. New place. New adventures. As Sam eloquently put it, “Blissful life ahead!”

Arriving home, I felt better. This is my turf. This is where I grew up and nothing or no one could ever make me feel lost again as long as I am here.

First night. I didn’t sleep. Millions of thoughts were swimming in my head. Most of them were questions and little were answers. I miss my condo. I miss my no-curfew nights. I was so used to coming and going with no one to answer to and now, when I was about to go out and see my friends, the gate was locked and I have no keys. So I just surfed the net, downloaded music until 6am.

Second day. An old friend sent me a message and asked if I was free for the night. He’s hanging out with his cousins somewhere in the city and asked me to join them. He picked me up at around 7pm and on our way, we talked about my sudden decision of moving back home. A smile twitched in his face and he said, “Wow! I got a cousin I’d like you to meet. He just got here from Gothenburg.” BINGO!

The Cousin. And so his name is Magnus (Yes, Carleonni! Magnus…like the Swede intern we met way back in 2004 at the Swedish Mission to the UN). He’s a 28-year-old half-Swede and half-Cebuano oh-so-yummy rockstar. Yes, I was drooling and at the back of my head, I pictured myself hanging out with him somewhere in the Scandinavia drinking vodka and listening to him sing songs of praises and what-nots. His English is not so good so I talked to him in Cebuano. He’s into the mafia culture too just like I am and he loves the beach and he listens to Reggae. The evening was great until he sang Jason freakin’ Mraz’s I’m Yours. PESTE! Sarap mag tantrums!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Oh well, as Mick Jagger said, “Baby, you don’t always get what you want!” Whatever!!!

Pre-PrelimSHIT

Today is the start of the goddamn preliminary exams and will end on Friday.

Criminal Procedure - Monday | Partnership, Agencies & Trusts - Tuesday | Torts, Damages & Transportation AND Credit Transaction - Thursday | Property Law - Friday

What I did last Friday:

I went to Rockwell for Gamma Epsilon’s weekly fellowship after my Property Law class. In the wee hours of the morning, I went straight to our Laguna home because I miss my dogs. Luis is still uber tamad and Carrie is such a big fat girl she looks like a pregnant pig. I am no longer returning her to her dad. No way. I’m keeping her. I now have sole custody of my yellow lab.

What I did last Saturday:

I woke up at noon and then played with my dogs and headed back to Manila around 3 o’clock. At night, I just drank.

What I did last Sunday:

I woke up at 10 o’clock, had coffee, The OC dvd-athon, then cleaned the entire apartment. I didn’t just clean, I re-arranged my furnitures and got rid of his last of the last stuff he left behind.

TODAY:

I am just floating like feather. Preliminary exams later and tomorrow and Thursday and Friday and I AM F*CKIN’ FLOATING LIKE A GODDAMN FEATHER!!! 

Reality Does Bite

If The Godfather is for men, Reality Bites is for women. Whoever hasn’t seen the movie had just let their 90s pass them by in a snap. I mean, who hasn’t seen the movie?! It’s like not knowing that Michael Jackson is originally black!

I could start ranting about this quote but I choose not to. I don’t want to rant anymore. I’m tired ranting.