Finally, I slept last night light-hearted.

“In the end, only three things matter: How much we loved, how gently we lived and how gracefully we let go of the things not meant for us.”

-SIDDHARTHA

Before my Cebu-bound flight, I was searching for answers because I needed to believe that I made the right choice. My prayers were answered last night. Apologies were made, misunderstandings were cleared out and a fresh start was established. Despite the emotional torment of the last two months, I am now at peace with my decision of leaving.

The man I have been with for almost-four years promised to be my best friend forever. I am family, he said. The man who I thought clipped my wings has let me fly free on my own. I have stronger wings now, he said. I can soar higher. The man who saved me from the nothing I almost become is now prouder to let me go and take on the world on my own. He said I can be anything and everything even without his guidance or strength. He has faith in me.

Although it is still heartrending to face tomorrow without his constant presence, it is heartening to know that the love we had shared has not withered but has somehow been modified into a different form. I am thankful that we are still in each other’s lives even if wedding bells could never be more than just faded dream.

“Mami-miss kita talaga, Niyaku. Ikaw, mami-miss mo ba ako?” I wiped away the tears and uttered the truth that I only know that moment: “EVERYDAY.”

Acceptance, truly, is a like a bitter pill. But once you realize that you need to swallow it to cure the pain, the pain fades away. Slowly, even at a snail’s pace, but it fades away. It’s time to gracefully let Niyaku go.

Finally, after a thank you prayer, I slept last night light-hearted.