Elizabeth’s Eloquence of my Gloom

It’s been months since I couldn’t put down my rage and heartaches in writing. Perhaps it’s because I still held on to that illusion that maybe things could still be salvaged. Things could still be fixed. I couldn’t put those pent up feelings down in writing because I felt that bottling them within could still cure the pain. I THOUGHT WRONG.

Browsing through my friend’s online journal, I was glued to an entry that says it all.

Courage came to me first. Anger second.

The order does not matter because Hope came just in time.

There is still pain. It comes out in sporadic bursts — while driving to work, in the middle of class, while conversing with the closest of friends, or stepping out of the shower. The pain, however, is no longer brought about by loneliness or hurt or sadness. It is an offshoot of anger — of the realization that even the worst of my actions did not entitle me to the cruelty served. I, like any human being, deserved gentleness, compassion, and respect.

I may not have been worthy of love, but I certainly was valuable enough for its rubrics.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was served a slice of pizza with a big bite. She showed it to her daughter and said: “This is not love. Love is not a pizza slice with a big bite.” To which I continued: “Love is the entire pizza box. Never settle for anything less.”

Driving home that night this thought occurred to me: To the very hungry, that pizza slice with a big bite would have sufficed.

As God is my witness, I shall never go hungry again. May Anger and Courage always be on my side.

SOURCE: http://www.blogagotchi.com/golagatch/28412/Finally…Anger..html